Lord Of War

There it is... another post in English.
There is a movie I just saw and it pissed me off. The movie is called Lord of War. I am not saying the movie is bad, it was very good and well made. I liked it and I think it is worth watching. The last line in the movie though pissed me off.If you want to know that the last line is - watch it. The line refers to who are the biggest manufacturers and distributors of firearms in the world.
This is the second movie that makes an impression on me in that specific kind of way. I want to talk about the first one for a bit - Three Kings (George Clooney, Mark Whalberg, and Ice Cube). It ended up not being popular or making much money at the box office. It was a great movie. Why did it tank at the theaters? This is my theory... What was shown was not very convenient to think about. It makes you feel guilty about who we are, what we do, why we do it, what we are a part of, how little do we know, how we are going in the wrong direction. The movie may might be viewed as one that criticizes America's involvement in world affairs. That is not necessarily the way I see it. I view it on a larger scale (at least I would like to think I am). Any superpower in today's world could be accused of the same thing or equally bad things. Any country with power and money can and will go the wrong path. Its ran by people, humans, creatures flawed. Creatures that are powerhungry and greedy and selfish.
Lord of War brought on to me those same thoughts. Plus a couple of new ones. I am surprised either of the 2 movies made it to the movie theaters. May be they did because there is plenty of guns and shooting and one can easily miss the point and just enjoy the action (plus the cast was very popular). Movie said that it was based on true events (my personal opinion is that nowadays its hard to find one that isn't, but that's another story). After the movie I decided (or confirmed rather) that is no point following and believing actual news. Why? Its is not the way to keep people comfortable with their own lives. They are better off not knowing how their life standard is achieved. That's why I decided there is more truth to unproven theories, thoughts, messages contained in different art forms. Like those 2 movies. I believe there is more truth to those 2 movies then there is on the 7 o'clock evening news. I think it is too dangerous to show what is actually going on so it is better if its dressed in some kind of art form. It is stupid to have this logic - I know. I know I am living in my little bubble which seems to be getting smaller and smaller. May be I am trying to stay in my bubble and making my bubble smaller because it makes me feel good about myself. Because I want to be different. I have discovered the pleasure in being different when I came in here. I was different, liked it, and feel good doing/being it. I hope it takes me somewhere I like, and not end up bitter and alone in a fucking cave denying everything and everyone. Although I am very materialistic in my every day life (can be confirmed by any of the people I know here), internally I seem to be going in the opposite direction. How are we wired as human beings? Why do we have those destructive desires - power and greed (money is a form of power after all). Why do we have to be better off then the people around us, so we can feel good about ourselves? I have more things in the US then I did in Bulgaria? I don't feel any better... because I am not better off then what I think the average American does. When coming back to Bulgaria now I feel better. Because I feel like I have something more then the average Bulgarian. I know its wrong. I know it's wrong to feel that way and even though I try really hard not to show it, I still feel it on the inside. I don't think I should feel better about the fact that I (think) I have something more then the people around me. But I guess I can't help it. I never want to make anyone feel inferior to me. I don't want to be that person thinking he is above/better then the people around him. Anyway, on my way out of the theater, I was looking at the things around me with disgust. I noticed the nice comfortable seats in the theater, all the cars parked in the big parking lot. All the lights, and all the building, and all the straight lines of everything surrounding us. Anyone reading this might advise me to "Go live in the jungle" and their will probably be within their right. Even I realize it's somewhat silly thinking those ideological thoughts. But I like to think they make me different. I am thinking humans do not need all they have right now to feel happy. On the contrary, I don't believe there was a time in the history of mankind in which people were more miserable. Its all about the missed opportunity, missed chances, living to your full potential, pushing yourself, having more, and rubbing very subtly (or not very subtly) in the faces of those around us. While I was driving back from the movie, I was wondering "When did people started feeling miserable?". I did not think I would think of the answer. But I did. It might not be the right one, but it makes sense to me. I think that ever since money came along, people have become slaves. It is a very weird form of slavery though. It is ironic that we ourselves invented money. So I guess I am not sure the term slaves applies here since we enslaved ourselves and that is sort of an oxymoron. The question "When did people start feeling miserable?" brought on another question. "What exactly is the evolution of mankind?". It seems to me that we have the wrong concept. If people believe in reincarnation or life after death, the general concept is that we become something more sophisticated, something smarter, something with more control. I was thinking that if there is such a thing as reincarnation and life after death, then it might be possible that we become something more simplified, something with no control over things and surroundings. For example, isn't it possible that after death a human becomes a mosquito or a stone. I would think that a mosquito or a stone are much more happy and content with themselves then any other more biologically sophisticated creature or being. May be we go a step back every time we die. Truth is that I don't believe in neither afterlife nor reincarnation... but I think it's interesting to think about. Something else that concerns me (usually only after movies such as Lord of War) is "Are we (humans) ever going to become good?" or will it happen as they said in the movie - "Evil prevails". I don't have an answer about this one. I am working on it though. There is no point in me pretending I am the greatest humanist in the world. I have had a dog as a child and I've hit it. I was not sadistic to the dog (at least I would like to think that I wasn't). I did not beat it for fun or anything. I was trying to teach him things. My point is that we all have something mean in us, something sadistic. Whether we want to admit it not. If you think you are not mean, you just have not been provoked the right way. There is something that wakes the little sadist in you. But try to deny this. That's what I do and so far it seems to work good enough for me to live with myself.
The anger that I initially had when starting this post has disappeared. In the time it took me to type all this, I have re-accustomed myself to the man-made conveniences of morern life. Right now... I am going to go eat.. in my kitchen.
PS Тоя пост ще го преведа на български стига да има който да прояви интерес. Дойде ми днес на английски да пиша, не знам защо. Сигурно защото мислите след филма ми бяха на английски, а поста бе главно за тях.